A longing
(Picture of a lake during sunset from Unsplash).
Be aware you're about to read amateur writing. This is my first time writing fiction and I don't know what I'm doing. So temper your expectations. Also there are conlang words I use in this story. You can find help with their pronunciation on the Osrican phonology page under "romanization".
Samül's heavy eyes drifted through the contents of his drawers, looking for a book he'd borrowed a year ago to go return it. He hadn't read it. The young man was shifting his belongings around when he suddenly froze. His eyes widened, fixated on a lone keychain that was sat in the corner of the drawer. It was shaped like a heart and had the word "...forever" etched into it.
How painful. He couldn't help but feel like this was the universe's way of mocking him. Thoughts steadily started rolling in. "It's all my fault", "Why did it have to end like this?", "What is wrong with me?".
The only sounds in the room at that moment were of the lake's gentle motion outside and his dad's snores from across the hallway. The whole scene was only lit by what little light could come through the closed curtains.
It took effort for Samül to finally avert his gaze and remember what he was doing. "Right... the book." He muttered to himself. He didn't want to waste any more time so he brushed his long hair aside and continued looking.
Forever... Forever... Forever... There it is. Za Kelsh (The Chalice) by Goergia Makri. The cover had blackletter text over a charcoal drawing of an empty intersection at night. A woman stood in the middle of it looking up at the sky. Samül carefully put the book in his bag and prepared to head out.
The weather was starting to get a bit cooler, at last wearing a hoodie wouldn't be so unpleasant. He put on a dark gray sweatshirt and slate colored cargo pants. The desaturated hues contrasted with his light brown skin.
The young man exited his house and quickly noticed it was overcast. He didn't have his umbrella on him but figured his errand wouldn't take too long so it wouldn't be an issue. As he walked across the edge of the lake he couldn't help but let his mind wander.
That damn keychain... It reminded him of a time when things were better. A less silent time. A less tired time. Sure it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't... this.
Samül still felt confused why things ended the way they did. There was no dramatic event that happened, no fight, no explanation, just... distance. Things fizzled out.
Maybe he did something wrong. Maybe there was a way to prevent this whole situation. Maybe there's a way to get people to finally respond.
Before he knew it he was standing in the middle of an empty park. He had no idea how he ended up there, it wasn't on the way to his destination. In fact it looks like he's further away from where he was heading before he got lost in thought.
A chubby woman sat on a bench a few feet away from Samül. She studied his movements with curiosity. With a sudden realization she explained herself. "Sorry! I didn't mean to stare". Her voice softened. "It's just, you look distressed. Are you okay?".
Samül blinked, a little disoriented at first. "Uh... Sorry I'm just a bit distracted. I'm not sure how I ended up here".
"Just a bit distracted? You look like you're at a funeral". She added a little bit playfully. "What's wrong?".
"Um..." As he paused Samül couldn't help but notice how familiar this woman looked. There was something oddly soothing about her appearance. "W- hold on, do I know you?".
She looked a bit surprised by the question. "No, I don't think we've met before. I'm Sufia, nice to meet you". She added with a warm smile.
"Nice to meet you too. I'm uh, Samül". He almost murmured that last bit.
Sufia gestured towards the bench, inviting him to sit with her. After a bit of hesitation he nodded and sat down. "Thanks".
"I..." He began. "I feel so empty". He felt inexplicably ready to open up to this stranger he'd just met. Maybe it was because she was a stranger? The fact he might not see her again could make it easier to be honest about how he feels? Maybe it was her welcoming demeanor? Who knows.
He continued. "I keep thinking of the past... I miss it".
"Letting go of the past can be really difficult". She remarked. "What do you miss about it?".
"Well... It was a lot less lonely. I had friends, I had a girlfriend..." He trailed off. "I suppose I still have some friends but... I don't know".
"Are you not close with your current ones?" The woman inquired.
"No, not really. They invite me places sometimes, and we talk from time to time, but..." He kept trying to find the right words but none came to mind.
"You feel scared". She interjected after a bit.
"Uh... What do you mean?". Samül's head tilted slightly.
"Well, I could be wrong of course, but it sounds like you're scared of letting those friendships become closer. I've been there before".
He hadn't thought about it, but now that she mentioned it he did feel scared. Very much so.
He turned to look at Sufia who was observing him intently, and in that moment he realized why she looked so familiar. She looked eerily similar to him. Her skin tone, her black hair, her height. The main differences were that she wasn't scrawny like him, and that she was... well, a woman.
Distracted by this revelation the only word he could get out was "Yeah..." Before falling silent again.
"It's scary, isn't it?" Said Sufia with a sad smile, before turning away. A soft clap of thunder resonated in the distance. They hadn't realized but it was getting late and the wind was getting colder. "Hey, you've been able to open up to me, so that's gotta count for something right?".
Samül was overcome with an overwhelming sadness. He didn't know where it was coming from but it was strong. He took another look at her again and asked "What is this feeling?". It gently started raining.
Sufia got her folding umbrella out and said "I don't know, but I'll try to help you through it". She extended the umbrella and covered herself and Samül with it. "You don't have to do this alone".
A part of him wanted to reply "But it's better if I do it alone". But he didn't. In fact that thought made him realize that maybe the reason things fizzled out in his past was because a part of him wanted them to. To protect himself. It's colder but safer this way.
"I suppose I don't". He sighed. In that moment he felt a weird mix of fear and hope. They got up from the bench and without letting the worry stop him he walked with her.