I like writing
(Photo of vintage lamp and books by Jez Timms from Unsplash)
I used to think I hated reading (and consequently writing) but came to appreciate it more the older I grew. If younger me saw that I spend so much time writing she'd be surprised, or maybe she'd just attribute it to me being an adult, cause I always perceived these as "grownup activities".
The reason I hated it is that the things I had to read in school were often dry and boring, and matters weren't helped by the fact that I tend to struggle with reading comprehension (typical for a tumblrina am I right?) so whenever I had to give my input on a text – whether by verbally participating or by writing an essay – I always had difficulty coming up with anything remotely meaningful to say, which made me feel embarrassed and incompetent at times "other people don't seem to have as much trouble with it so why am I unable to do this?".
I also tend to struggle with like, the very act of reading, as in, even if the text is interesting to me or I am able to understand it I often have to read a sentence 2 to 3 times before I can fully process the information and internalize it, and that is not something pleasant to go through when you're on a time limit or when your grades (and therefore your self-worth) are on the line, I had to stop judging myself for struggling before I could enjoy reading, it hasn't gotten easier, it's just gotten less stressful.
Looking back though I find it interesting that I thought reading and writing were inherently boring things, because I remember liking video essays quite a lot from a young age and I somehow didn't make the connection that they are called that because the script is an actual essay. Unlike stuff I had to read in school, these videos felt engaging, interesting, like they were telling a story, and I guess the visuals and intonation help keep my attention for longer, but at the end of the day it is still writing, so I guess there's a part of me that's always liked it.
I think that's part of the reason why I started a wordpress blog a while ago, and then eventually abandoned it in favor of this personal website and my conlang-guide site, because these let me have an outlet for writing and it feels good. I'm grateful that my friends encouraged me to have a more personal section of my website, because it used to be 100% dedicated to conlanging but I'm not always in the mood to work on conlangs, sometimes I just want to spill my thoughts on some completely random thing and now I have a pretty good place to do that.
I'm not saying I'm particularly good at writing, I'm aware my use of punctuation is all over the place since I never learned how to use it properly, plus I feel like I can be pretty repetitive and maybe not the most concise with my words, perhaps I even struggle a bit with grammar since I'm not a native English speaker (but I can't really tell if the way I phrase things is particularly unconventional or odd so maybe the grammar is fine, I wouldn't know) but at the end of the day this is still an activity I enjoy, so I will keep doing it.